Sunday, January 28, 2007

Porn for Leprechauns: Pointy Ears



Hello there! Seamus the Leprechaun here, guest blogger on the Unconscious Gamer. No not Tera Patrick as promised but something better.

Porn for Leprechauns.

Okay i hear you say, pointy ears, since when were pointy ears pornographic?. Well maybe for you humans it's not very erotic, but for us Leprechauns, this is as good as it gets. I'll explain.

Unlike elves and gnomes and other species, Leprechauns have suffered a raw deal in the evolutionary stakes, a series of retrograde steps if I may say so. In the begining, Leprechauns were an athletic and handsome species, possessing the most gorgeous sets of pointy ears. But nature decided to play silly buggers, gone are the slim and sculpted bodies of yore, replaced by beer bellies and double chins. Gone too and of great sadness to our species are those beautiful pointy ears.

So this Leprechaun plans to set the record straight, to reveal the sordid underbelly of evolution, to shame a mother nature that chose to play practical joker with our species. Global warming isn't payback enough, Porn for Leprechauns is the ultimate revenge.

So if your female, got pointy ears, take a photo, shove em on photobucket and leave a link in the comments box and before you can say earlobe they'll be gracing this excuse for a gaming blog.

Stay tuned for more Porn for Leprechauns in the coming months.

posted by the Leprechaun!

27 comments:

fatherkrishna said...

Listen Seamus... it's obvious that you were flattered by Gnome's advances... who wouldn't be? Personally, if anyone apart from Mrs. K professed to be attracted to my Elephant Man proportions, I'd be made up... But really, you don't need to hide your relationship in this charade... Just embrace what you two have got going on...

Segata Sanshiro will marry the pair of you in one of his multiple 'Moonie' style weddings...

Or else he'll dispose of the pair of you... Father Krishna is at his beck and call...

*Once again FC is wrestled to the floor, injected, subdued, and thrown into padded cell isolation*

YES! I'm FECKING ARSEHOLED... and it's stupid o'clock...

I'll make my apologies in the morning...

gnome said...

(apologies accepted in advence)

Why, Seamus, never knew all this. Poor cousins... thankfully though we are still brilliant looking and heavily haired.

Love the ladies you picked. pointy indeed...

Ross said...

Yes, yes... and no, nothings pointy down there...

Make what you will of that.

The Elderly said...

Feckin Seamus, how the hell did he manage this on his own, i thought i'd locked him out of posting.......

hiya Ross pointy ears don't work for me either.....

but that bloody leprechaun

(leaves to look for Seamus....)

Seamus the Leprechaun said...

...(emerges from behind sofa....) phew! that was close.... im sorry the point ears aren't your cup of tea Ross, but membership to the elite Leprechaun fetish bar is still open....

aye it's a sad thing Gnome, part of the reason us Leprechauns drink so much.... (looks at FC spreadeagled on the floor)

should we wake him? i've got a bucker of ice cold water in the kitchen...

TheTimeRunner said...

...
EEE!
(faints)

gnome said...

Or we could thow a timerunner on him... T'should definitely wake him...

The Elderly said...

...? strange he just fainted like that... musta never seen a leprechaun before... can be a bit of a shock I suppose.....

I could think of worse things to drop on FK.... ready if you are Gnomey

(helps Gnome Lift Timerunner over the unconscious Father Krishna.....)

1....2....

gnome said...

3!

wow! Lovely mess!

TheTimeRunner said...

(wakes from fainting)

Sorry boys, I fear i can't handle porn. Hey, this floor feels kind of fleshy.

...

EEK!

(Faints again)

fatherkrishna said...

For gods sake! I've neen lying here for days without knowing!

*Picks himself up*

Evening... Timerunner? I don't believe we've been more than physically introduced....

Fancy leaving me on the floor like that... You could've at least thrown a bucket of iced water over me...

I believe there's one in the kitchen...

The Elderly said...

..no FK you drank the bucket of water last night before passing out on the floor and rolling onto the carpet... Gnome and myself attempted to wake you but you were unconscious...

timerunner here (pointing to the unconscious timerunner....) was just dropping by...

lol... dropping.. by...erm well okay...

right Gnome and FK, lets see if we can move Timerunner to the sofa.......

on my count 1....2....

gnome said...

3!

The Elderly said...

4, 5, . . .

TheTimeRunner said...

(wakes up) Oh..what...how.....where....at....with...huh..nipple.

...

what just happened here...

gnome said...

What are we counting for?

The Elderly said...

(holding timerunners feet) what are we counting for? you stand there holding timerunner and you ask me why are we counting?

(drops timerunner)

well just typical, we were dropping timerunner on FK to wake FK up, and now look, timerunners woken up,

well that's just perfect...

Hmmph!!

gnome said...

Do you think then we should start counting again?

The Elderly said...

well we could use the chloroform, knock him back to sleep..

(holds tissue soaked in chlorform over Timerunners nose.......)

Thud!!!!

right, here we go again..

1, 2,

gnome said...

3!

Wow, that was fun!

The Elderly said...

?. . .4,. . . 5,

on what number do we drop him?

gnome said...

Why drop him?

Oh, I see... you aren't enjoying this, are you?

The Elderly said...

well yes? but what'll we do with him if we don't drop him? we could leave him in a state of suspension.

(ponders dilemna....) !

could we bring him over to your place and use the 8bit experiment kit? oh please, please please, can we huh! well can we? go on? pretty please..

gnome said...

Ah yes! A brilliant idea! Let's just do this!

The Elderly said...

(the two buddies carry timerunner out to the car.........)

TheTimeRunner said...

(groggy)

What....is...going...I'm....flying.

where...am..I....

Am I in heaven......wait a minute, why is..(peers closer) Hitler and captain kangaroo....carrying me..

....(groggy) that's..not...right...

The Elderly said...

....(injects dose of morphine into timerunners arm.....) gnome how many is that again, i've lost count?