Monday, April 30, 2012

Dragon's Dogma, Trailer, Wallpaper and Popcorn

Wallpaper 1920x1200, more on Forbidden Forest


An action RPG close to release by Capcom for the PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360, due May 22nd US, May 24 Japan, and May 25th 2012 for Eu.

An open world fantasy environment which has drawn comparisons to Capcom's own Monster Hunter series as well as The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. Throw in the hack and slash and survival horror elements and players can look forward to up to 30 hours of a main quest and an additional 70 hours of side quests.

During a raid on the fishing village of Casadeis, a dragon approaches you, and as dragons do,  informs you that you are the “chosen one”. It then proceeds to tear out your heart.....

I'll leave the rest for a decent preview, meanwhile sit back, help yourself to the free popcorn and enjoy.
Official Website

Alf The Helper: Does it really tear out your heart?
Elderly: Yes it does
Alf the Helper: But then you'd be dead and the game would be over.
Elderly: Yes I agree it would be a very short game indeed.
Alf The Helper: So it's a flashback thingy!! the heart tearing out bit..
Elderly: No you really get your heart torn out at the start of the game
Alf The Helper: But then you'd..... you've got two hearts!!!?
Elderly: No you've only got one heart
Alf The Helper: You get a transplant...
Elderly: No
Alf The Helper: .....?....It's a fake heart!? to fool the dragon??
Elderly: No
Alf The Helper: ....already I don't like this game...
Elderly: Patience Alf, wait for the preview

Sunday, April 29, 2012

The Elderly Gamer has Expanded


Well I'm using the royal we here, less of course I count Alf The Helper and Seamus the Leprechaun, who, much to my chagrin, is still hanging around here somewhere.

By expanded I mean of course the blog is wider, much as I would like to switch to a .com address, I'm afraid coding skills and my ludite ways are still with me.

November 9th 2005 I trudged my way through the blogger interface and managed my first post, the epitomy of brevity with a game review for the astounding "Call of Cthulu Dark Corners The Earth"

I remember the trepidiation wondering how the image was ever going fit around the text... and lest you think the image above is a likeness, though Alf would disagree, no it's that self same image I used way back then..

520,486 pageviews later, and I think I'm finally getting the hang of formatting, though why Seamus the Leprechaun's Horror Wallpaper post is the most popular post ever is beyond me.

Onwards and ...erm sideways...

Alf the Helper: I dont' get it, it's the same blog!!!
Elderly: Yes but it's wider...
Alf the Helper: Wider!?
Elderly: Yes Wider... here look!!

(Elderly takes out tape measure....)

Alf the Helper: Why you'd make it wider then?
Elderly: Because, ...erm ....because it's... Alf look back in 2005, people had 800x600 screens, now they've gotten much much bigger
Alf the Helper: The people have gotten bigger!?
Elderly: No! you idiot!! their computer screens have gotten wider...
Alf the Helper:  Ah I see now!.... same old trite just wider...
Elderly:What!!!!
Alf the Helper: gulp!. erm.. sure looks bright and wider
Elderly: Why yes it does look fresher...
Alf the Helper: Does this mean I'll be gett....
Elderly: No wage increases
Alf the Helper: :(

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Pandora's Tower Wii Game Review Summary


Wallpaper 1024x768

Released for Wii in Eu and Australia on 13th of April 2012.

Despite an online fan campaign "Operation Rainfall" to release the game for US audiences, no word to date of any such plans by Nintendo

The Plot
Your friend Elena is cursed, doomed to mutate into a demonic abomination unless you can free her from her horrible fate. Armed with the Oraclos Chain you must devour the flesh of the various monsters that inhabit the game's 13 towers.  You play as Aeron and pivotal to the game's multiple endings' is the relationship you nurture with Elena as you progress through the game. The monsters? Giant armored squid, fiery beasts and powerful pachyderms!!

The Scores
Released last May in Japan, Famitsu Magazines gave it a 77% rating, it's Western release scoring a respectable but borderline 74% on Metacritic, with the game's controls  and graphics engine coming under fire.

Quote of the bunch:
"Yet if at times it seems ugly, confused and repetitive, at others it's creative, gripping and wonderfully atmospheric. ." IGN

Reviews Summary
A true mature story of illness and love, a dark, and deep tale wrapped in old-school game design.
Some clever ideas at work here, but a lack of gameplay refinement and bland storytelling fail to make the most of it
Not as monumental as Xenoblade Chronicles but nonetheless you experience an exciting and moving adventure.
This a clunky action title – albeit one with a flicker of genuine emotion at its heart.
Clumsy it may be, but this is the perfect pick-me-up for Wii owners with post-Skyloft blues
With an identity of its own, some clever ideas and a well written story, Pandora's Tower can be quite charming
Pandora´s Tower is a game that takes its time to reveal its own charm and qualities
An average-to-good hack and slash  hobbled by some off the shelf RPG elements and ultimately tiresome - girlfriend management system
 
 
Alf the Helper: Hey mr.Elderly the Amazon guy is back again!!!!

(Elderly enters, delivers a well placed slap to the back of Alf's neck, then leaves...)

Alf the Helper: Ouchhhh!...What!!! What did I do!!?? right!!! well that's the last time I'm telling you about the Amazon guy..... jeescchhhhh!!!!

(Elderly re-enters... Alf runs for cover.... to be continued...)

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Max Payne 3 post preview, preview

Widescreen Wallpaper 1366x768

Max Payne 3 Mulitplayer trailer

Max Payne 3, due 18th May For PC, Xbox 360 and Ps3

Ah yes my first ever game, post preview, preview, which gives me another opportunity to explore the hidden treasures on the Max Payne Site and watch some youtube eyecandy.

Alf the Helper: So what's new in the Post Preview, erm... Preview mr. Elderly
Elderly: I'm glad you asked that Alf

Well apart from the detail in the last Max Payne 3 Game Preview,  news that a three part Max Payne comic, will available for free "in the next few weeks" from the official Website.  The comic provides an insight into how Max got to be Max 3.

Then there's Eurogamer, who have kindly provided the  Max Payne 3 Achievements and Trophy list

The especially wide widescreen Wallpaper above and criminally missing in my last update, a quick overview of the much hyped multiplayer element.

Job done for another day on the Elderly Gamer.

Alf the Helper: Well how do you think it went?
Elderly: Okay, but I don't remember an "erm" in the script I handed you!!!
Alf the Helper: ... Well I had no idea what my motivation was so I decided an adlib would add much needed authenticity.
Elderly: I dunno, in future stick to the script, Okay?
Alf the Helper: Okay...

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Geralt of Rivia Witcher 2 Assassins of Kings Twitter Icon






Having written his first ever game review Summary, my assistant Alf the Helper, went off and made these quite useless Twitter icons, specially sized at 250x250 for twitter compatability.  For the Witcher enthusiast amongst you with a Twitter Account.

Contrary to popular rumour, Alf's rations have been increased.

Geralt of Rivia

Geralt of Rivia aka Gwynbleidd (white wolf) is a "Witcher".  Witchers are monster-hunters who receive special training and modifications at an early age to provide them with supernatural abilities.

Geralt is said to be one of the world's best witchers, his abilities allowed for more experimentation and as a result he has lost all body pigmentation. Abandoned by his sorceress mother, he is at times both cynical and noble.

Full Profile on Wikipedia

See also latest "Forum Avatars"

Monday, April 23, 2012

Retro Music 1959 Paul Anka "Put Your Head on My Shoulder"



Okay so I'm begining to get the hint that my Retro Music post is as popular as a Referendum on the European Fiscal Treaty,  and that by now I should really just pack them in.  But something continues to draw me to these flickering, grainy black and white images and crackling monaural sound.  Perhaps it's my age or indeed signs of early dementia.

This time I at least attempted to stay on subject, as "Put Your Head on My Shoulder" featured in the game, Hitman: Contracts, Level 2 "The Meat King's Party".

So apologies while I inflict another Retro Music post on my beloved 4 followers....

Paul Anka Official Website

See all "Retro Music" posts

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Witcher 2 "Assassins of Kings" Xbox 360 Game Review Summary



Hi Alf The Helper here!!  :)

...unfortunately mr.Elderly is too busy at present getting to grips with the Witcher 2 control system to blog himself.  In fact between you and me, his game tutorial retention was so bad the game started him on Easy mode.. hee hee...!

Okay first off, the bits you already know, Witcher 2 Assassins of Kings is a third person non-linear RPG based on a series of books by Polish fantasy writer Andrzej Sapkowski.

And it's for Adults... containing as it does, "very strong language, strong sex (I have no idea what that means) and bloody violence".  As described in mr.Elderly's earlier post, the game comes in two shades Enhanced and Dark Editions, with the Dark Edition amongst other extras including a very cool wolf medallion.

Elderly: Whadda doing.. I can't be dead!! I annointed my bloody blade!!!..

Sorry just a second....

(Alf closes the door to the elderly gamer's room...)

Originally a hit on PC, Witcher 2 Assassins of Kings is actually the second instalment in the RPG saga about the Witcher, Geralt of Rivia. (that be him above).  Indeed some of you may even remember the 2001 film The Hexer again based on the antics of our hero.

What it says on the tin
"The game features an original, brutal combat system that uniquely combines tactical elements with dynamic action. A new, modern game engine, responsible for beautiful visuals and sophisticated game mechanics puts players in the most lively and believable world ever created in an RPG game."

The Plot
You play as Geralt Rivia one of the few remaing Witchers.  Witchers are essentially monster hunters for hire, master swordsmen, possessing (with the help of the odd herb, brew and incantation) superhuman abilities.
A sumptous opening fmv, precedes a brief but weighty tutorial which introduces you to the game mechanics, following a trial to test your newly learned skills, the game sets it's difficulty level based on how well you did.  Following a strange dream you awake to find yourself chained in a prison facing an interrogation, there then follows a thoroughly engaging romp across two discs with many different paths and storylines, along with multiple endings.

With 42 critic reviews in so far, Metacritic have awarded the game a magnificent 90% But is it all that?
Quotes of the Bunch:

"makes Skyrim look like something you'd find in the Early Learning Centre"
Bickle77


 "...characters that have a depth and complexity that makes them really come to life..."
Games from the Void

Reviews Summary:
Treats sex like a mature theme and not a juvenile goal. It's not to be missed.
One of the few adult video games that doesn't feel like it was made purely for teenagers.
One of the most engaging and immersive games of this console generation.
An unforgiving and challenging RPG, refreshment amongst a market of identikit RPG's afraid to take risks
The best fantasy RPG on Xbox 360.
The Witcher 2 is a tough game, no doubt. Dare I say it, too tough.
The pros more than outweigh the cons.
A steep learning curve that is not for the uninitiated or faint of heart.
The Witcher 2 on the X360 is a masterpiece.
Most crucially, the journey is worth every minute of effort

Official Website
So there we have it, a masterpiece RPG for adults.....
  
Elderly: Godammmtttt.... who designed the interface... it's wrecking my head.. I'm starting again...

....with a steep learning curve, and ...

Elderly: Alf!!! get in here, I was nearly through the trebuchet scene and they go and launch another wave... damitt I'll beat this if it kills me!!!!


..a rich and colourful backstory and characters...


Thank you for listening :)

(Alf The Helper, is new to the game blogging scene, an orphan, left behind by a group of blog decorators he was later adopted by the Elderly Gamer.  To date he has made some stunning avatars and written some essential pieces on the Elderly Gamer.  Alf is currently paid very little for his sterling work, and is looking for anyone who will put his considerable skills to use.... for a living wage )

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Video Game Fanart Tulio Minaki

Cammy Street Fighter

Shiva Final Fantasy vii
Shiva Final Fantasy viii

Tifa Lockhart Final Fantasy

Game Character Fanart from talented Brazilian  Tulio Minaki

Low res images here only, full size and more on his

Behance page
Deviantart Page
Blog

See all "Fanart" posts

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Final Fantasy Xiii-2 Forum Avatar




right click, save image, for 400x72, click image  for 550x100

Fresh from the vaults of the Elderly Gamer, designed specially for my 3 forum avatar fans, with a nod to little Alf and his pet spider.

See all "Forum Avatar" posts

Alf the Helper: (mutters) ...a living wage wouldn't go astray....
Elderly: What? speak up!!
Alf the Helper: ...just saying... they look great on the page that way....
Elderly: Why thanks Alf and well done again, you and Ripper did a great job....:)
Alf the Helper: yeah .... great! :(

Monday, April 16, 2012

Skyrim Ps3 Console Mod



From the supremely talented jrquelme aka Mandioca Gamer, forgive me while I take some time to pick my jaw off the floor.....

Vist the maestro, jriquelme on Facebook for more images
Mandioca Gamer Blog

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Street Fighter X Tekken Character Concept Art





Released March 2012 for xbox 360, and Ps3.

Developed by Capcom, Street Fighter X Tekken features characters from both the Street Fighter franchise and Namco's Tekken series, with Namco currently working on Tekken X Street Fighter.

Official Game Website
Official Capcom Blog

See all "Concept Art" posts

Alf The Helper: You know I'm glad we decided not to mention the furore over Xbox 360 owners not being able to play online tag team matches like their Ps3 comrades.
Elderly: Indeed Alf, and I think we did the right thing by not talking about the characters on the disk that can only be unlocked by paying for them.
Alf The Helper: Yup as you said why court controversy!!
Elderly: Yes, now let me make you a nice cup of tea!! :)
Alf the Helper: Thank you mr.Elderly, just one tic and I'll turn off the .. micro...phone!!
Elderly: ?!!!
Alf the Helper: Ahem!...
Elderly: (Coughs.....)

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

How to apply a Ps3 skin


Hello! Alf the Helper here. :)

I'm assuming You've got your Ps3 skin, you've got your Ps3, the instructions either haven't come with your kit or they read like a novel and suddenly things are not looking as easy as you first thought. So if your confidence level isn't as it should be at this stage, these instructions I hope should be of some use to you.

Sitting comfortably, let's begin.

Prepare for a Shock
Your Ps3 might at this stage be connected to enough electricity to fling you across the far side of the room at the very least so remove any discs, controllers and disconnect your Ps3 from it's power source.

Working Surface:
Place your Ps3 SECURELY on a well lit, clean work surface.  Remember a fall from any height could be fatal, for your Ps3 that is.

The boring bit, Cleaning the Ps3:
Many skin manufacturers recommend you clean the surface with a lint free soft cloth and some rubbing alcohol aka surgical spirit.  Alternatively simply use a wet wipe and ensure you dry the surface with a lint free cloth afterwards.  The cleaning is necessary to get rid of gunge, cigarette smoke residue, grease and dust mites, nasty horrible little buggers.

Check to make sure you've left no lint or stray hairs, they will show up on the final surface.  Do not go touching the surface again.

Understand your Skin:
No you don't have to engage it in conversation, but do make sure you know where each piece goes especially for multi piece skin sets.  Start with the smaller pieces first, and avoid working yourself towards a heart attack by dealing with a large piece straight away. Working with smaller pieces gives you experience before you tackle large pieces, which always require extra special care and attention.

Have your tools to hand:
A pin or needle (for delinquent bubbles)
The skin panels
A soft dry, lint free cloth
A soft plastic squeegee or plastic card to help with smoothing out the skin.

Okay here we go:
First piece......deep breath, peel off the protective backing, (pull it slowly back onto itself, at a 180-degree angle) position the skin over the surface, but do not attempt to place the skin straight on in one go, rather start with one end/corner and slowly and smoothly ease the skin over the Ps3 surface.

Take care to smooth out the skin as you progress, avoiding any buckles, wrinkles or bubbles. Remember do not begin applying the skin until you have it positioned correctly, and avoid any other part of the skin touching the surface, while your easing it on.  Any bubbles that develop can be burst with a pin or needle.

Phew! time for a cup of tea and admire your handywork, remember there is no time limit.

Large Skin piece:
Although you can apply a large panel on your own, it may be no harm to ask a complete stranger for assistance, though I prefer family members, flat mates or even your friend, provided you haven't trounced her/him online recently.

Carefully fold back about 25mm of the backing paper, now line this edge up and get it fixed in place ensuring there are no wrinkles, Now Whilst your buddy or the complete stranger slowly peels off the backing paper you smooth the skin down from side to side. rubbing the surface as you go with a clean cloth, squeegee or plastic card can help avoid bubbles.  Any bubbles that do form can be burst with a pin or needle. Do not let your buddy remove too much backing paper at once. 

Remember this is not a speed test, slowly does it.

Further planned guides:
How to get rid of a complete stranger from your house
Removing a Ps3 Skin
Drinking tea next to your Ps3

Elderly: Delinquent Bubbles?
Alf the Helper: They exist!!
Elderly: Yeah they probably do, nice piece Alf, thanks!
Alf the Helper: What!!!???
Elderly: I'm proud of you, you did a good job
Alf the Helper: (...staggers...then faints...)
Elderly: Alf?

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Battleship Movie Poster





A staggered release in cinemas worldwide commenced with the premiere in Japan on April 5th last and will culminate on May 18th with it's release in Canada.  A fleet of ships is forced to do battle with an armada of unknown origins in order to discover and thwart their destructive goals.

Directed by Peter Berg and staring Taylor Kitsch, Alexander Skarsgård, Brooklyn Decker, Rihanna, and Liam Neeson.

See all "Movie Posters" posts"

Official Movie Website

Alf the Helper: And it's got Rihanna in it! :)
Elderly: ...I've just told them that!!
Alf the Helper: Yes... but you sandwiched her in between Brooklyn Decker and Liam Neeson.
Elderly: I didn't sandwich her any place, I'm just repeating the credits roll...
Alf the Helper: Well I starting a petition... so there!
Elderly: And I'm paying your wages, now quit it!!!!
Alf the Helper: (mumbles....)
Elderly: What was that!!!?
Alf the Helper: nothing...just a touch of heartburn... (whistles)

27x40 inches Movie Posters on Amazon


11x17 inches Movie Fliers on Amazon (not always in English)

Monday, April 09, 2012

Max Payne 3 Preview xbox 360, Ps3


2003 was the last time Max was let out to play, a release scheduled for 2009 suffered the dreaded "Push Back" syndrome, one "benefit from having more development time" press release and in depth fact finding mission to Brazil later, now Rockstar games are ready to release Max Payne 3 on an unsuspecting public for xbox 360 and Ps3 on May 18th, May 15th if you live in the US.

Remedy Entertainment, developers for Max's previous outings have been replaced by Rockstar's own in house development teams. The series creator Sam Lake steps aside to allow Dan Houser take over the lead writing role.

Alf the Helper: That would be the Dan Houser of Grand Theft Auto and Red Dead Redemption fame, brother of Rockstar Games President Sam Houser.
Elderly: Thanks Alf!

The game picks up eight years after the events of the last game, this time Max is providing private security for a wealthy family in Sau Paulo, Brazil.

"This is Max as we've never seen him before, a few years older, more world-weary and cynical than ever." Sam Houser President Rockstar Games

Euphoria, Bullet time and Painkillers 
Bullet time and Painkillers are still there along with trademarked Shootdodge™ a new game mechanic giving you a brief window to shoot or dodge or... erm both.  Most notably the game will utilize the Euphoria physics engine which uses your consoles CPU to generate motion on the fly, by simulating the character’s motor nervous system, body and muscles.  Also new to the series are cinematic action movements, interactive cut-scenes which will transition seamlessly into continuing game-play, and then there's ...

Alf the Helper: You shouldn't use painkillers unless your in pain.
Elderly: Thanks Alf!

Multiplayer....
"Max Payne 3 will also be the first entry in the series to introduce a thorough and engrossing multiplayer experience. In a unique twist, Max Payne 3 multiplayer delivers a compelling experience that dynamically alters maps and mode progression for all players in a match. Along with traditional multiplayer modes, Max Payne 3 will also include a deep reward and leveling system, persistent clans and multiple strategic load-out options."
Max the 10" Statue

Max Payne 3 Special Edition:
Apart from a myriad of pre-order bonuses which will be available through retail store chains throughout the world, the game is set for release in both Standard and Special Edition, it's not clear whether the Special Edition will be available after release.

Those brave enough to pre-order by April 12th will be given the option to purchase the "Special Edition" which includes:
  • A copy of Max Payne 3.
  • 10" tall Collectible Max Payne Statue created in a collaboration between TriForce and Rockstar Games. See pic above.
  • Series of game-inspired Original Still Life Art Prints that depict some of Max Payne's inner demons and vices.
  • Copper and brass-plated iron, bullet-shaped Bullet Keychain featuring a screw-off back.
  • Classic Multiplayer Character Pack of eight playable multiplayer characters for Max Payne 3 Multiplayer, including fan favorites from the original Max Payne and Max Payne 2 like Max Payne from Max Payne 2, Mona Sax and Vladimir Lem.
  • Disorderly Conduct Multiplayer Weapons Pack for Max Payne 3 Multiplayer that includes the Hammerhead Auto Shotgun, G9 Grenade Launcher and Molotov cocktail.
  • Max Payne 3 Official Soundtrack featuring the game's instrumental score.
Official Website

Alf the Helper: It's a good likeness..
Elderly: What is? the statue?
Alf the Helper: Yeah ....it looks just like him..
Elderly: And you were doing so well
Alf the Helper: :(

Friday, April 06, 2012

Porn for Leprechauns Marching Band Video



Greetings faithful and loyal followers, Seamus the leprechaun here from beyond the grave. Taking control of the regular boring Wrinkly Gamers posts to introduce the latest instalment of the legendary "porn for leprechauns" series.

This post features the extraordinary talent of 8 dancers in matching green band uniforms.
Dammit! but I do love the colour green.

Released 2007, Destination Calabria is a DJ track by Italian producer Alex Gaudino, with vocals by Crystal Waters. A mashup track, taking the instrumental from Rune's "Calabria" and the vocals from Alex Gaudino's and Crystal Waters' "Destination Unknown", both originally released in 2003.

See all historical Porn for Leprechauns posts

Wednesday, April 04, 2012

Samus Aran Metroid PVC Figure from Max Factory






Samus Aran サムス・アラン Samusu Aran, lead character from Nintendo's legendary  "Metroid" video game series.

Samus ranks alongside Chun Li as one of the earliest female protagonists depicted in a video game.  Orphaned at a young age, Samus was brought up by the extraterrestrial avianoid Chozo race, who trained her as a capable warrior.  Following a stint as a Galactic Federation soldier Samus devoted her career to bounty hunting. 

The 1/8th scale (Height: approx. 220cm), Max Factory sculpture is based on her portrayal in the 2010 game "Metroid: Other M." where in cut scenes she is seen sporting her "Zero Suit", a form-fitting jumpsuit which is worn beneath her Power Suit. The figure comes with gun and the baby Metroid.


Tuesday, April 03, 2012

Game of Thrones The Game, Walking Dead The Game


Ahh the Good Old Days..... sigh!...

A time, when, long before the release of a console game, there would be a veritable gallery of screenshots to wade through, a plethora of trailers and gameplay videos to eat your popcorn to, a feast of Wallpapers to embelish our desktops, dogs barking on every street corner.... well okay maybe not every corner, but certainly a lot of dogs..... suffice it to say a console game drew major attention to iself, long, long before it's release date.

It should come as no surprise therefore that these two potential leviathans have snuck up on me, due for release, according to Eurogamer "April 2012"

Alf sound the fanfair!!!!!


The Walking Dead The Game

This one a download for Xbox Live, and Playstation Network, Telltale Games are planning to scare the living dandruff out of us this month, with the release of their episodic ( download additional episodes as they arrive) take on the Walking Dead franchise. 

An action adventure, based on  the best selling comic book, by Robert Kirkman, who has promised  that, unlike typical zombie games such as Left 4 Dead, the game will focus more on characterization and emotion than action  

We can but hope, neigh offer a sacrificial... erm! ..sacrifice, that the quality is maintained as the franchise crosses to a new medium.

The 13 minute Walking Dead Gameplay trailer on Eurogamer you shouldn't watch less your old enough.

The Walking Dead Game Official Website (for now)

Alf .....Another Fanfair!!!



Game of Thrones The Game

Planned for release on PC, PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360, described as an RPG based on the series of novels, "A Song of Ice and Fire" by George R.R. Martin, with the games storyline under the supervision of R.R. Martin. Due, you guessed it April 2012.

brief Game of Thrones Game game plot Trailer

Cyanide official Game of Thrones Website

Official Game of Thrones Game Website (worthy visit)

Now all I've got to do is figure out why I've got  this sinking feeling.

Alf the Helper: Can I sound the trumpet again  mr.Elderly? please? huh!? can I?
Elderly: No, not unless you fancy having it surgically implanted
Alf the Helper: :(