Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Wario Smooth Moves Review

(Tera Patrick full frontal shot removed...elderly)

Good evening, Seamus the Leprechaun here, guest blogger on the Decrepit Gamer, comin atcha from the bowels of Southern Ireland, where the weather is freezing my goolies off.

Well the old fella has let me loose on a review, so in a effort to give new life to the standard yawn inducing reviews we'll take a little rumage at what ye the players have had to say about the bloody game.

Well as if there was any doubt, scoring 83% from the readers reviews on Metacritic.com
the games the cat's pyjamas.

Readers Reviews Summary:

Terribly stupid and shallow gameplay mechanism. At least Wii Sports was free and had bowling but Warioware is just DISGUSTING! Score 1/10

I find no enjoyment whatsoever in this. It's painful to look at. How can I enjoy a game, regardless of the controls if I can't stand the graphics? Score 0/10

As you can see theres always some eejit willing to make a ...(censored -elderly) of themselves in public.

Gaf Comments:

So I took me a trip over to the Wario thread on GAF forums, where spOrsk said

"the game seems over, way before it should be........it just seems the game is missing the ambition of games like RT and Twisted."

Which frightened the crap out of a number of members till the following emerged

Peru..This game is magical. It's fantastic. It's the best wario ware game by far
Memles... I think it's a whole lot of fun, contains some moments of brilliant game design, but there just isn't enough here.
Alternative Ulster...Wow, this game is beyond amazing.
wasting....Its awesome, finally a reason to turn my wii on again
2D mention...I'm quite impressed
Phife Dawg...I'm having a great time with this. Beating the high scores is fun and multiplayer is a blast.

So dere you have it... straight from the horses mouth, not those namby pamby professional reviewers who wouldn't know a good game if it bit em in the ar.....(censored--elderly).

Right thats me done!. . . . . Oh yeah!!!

. . . . .theres a neat (I suppose) option over on the Nintendo site providing exclusive content. But to access it you'll have to stick your pin in..... (elderly----you actually have to enter a pin number contained in the special software insert included with the game)

posted by the leprechaun

Clickable inkies

26 comments:

fatherkrishna said...

Good review Seamus, I imagine that leprechauns favour Nintendo cos they use a lot of mushrooms in their games. However, may I reccomend you get your Wario kicks on the DS, as it will be more suited to your diminutive digits...

Oh and say Hello to Elderly for me, he would be very proud of me , I must have clocked up about 11 hours of RE4 and even defeated two very large beasties. However, what was at first an extremely exciting game has now turned into a game where I just seem to be walking round a very grim Eastern European village in the rain, constantly standing on man traps... Ho hum...

Could you ask Elderly if you have to go back over the same old ground a lot, or am i just a shit gamer?

Cheers my little friend FK (FC)

Seamus the Leprechaun said...

Well i can speak with experience having wondered around the very same village... look for an exit out of the village, preferable as in

SPOILER

a gate?

and I will pass on your kind regards, I cooked dinner for the old fella this evening and he's now heavily medicat.... erm he's momentarily asleep...

and thank you kind holy person for such a warming and heartening comment....I still think the Tera Patrick photo was on topic, but hey who am i to argue.....

Congratulations on your gaming milestone, it is an essential game...

The Elderly said...

(A very groggy elderly shuffles into the room....)

Congratulations FC, (claps FC on the Back.....) it is a great game, now lets get you out of those wet clothes...

(yawns..... falls asleep standing up....)

zzzzzz! zzzz!

(Seamus helps him out of the room.....)

TheTimeRunner said...

Nice put together. Are you sure your not related to EGM's Seanbaby?
I feel this game is more of a love/hate game. YOu like it or you don't. I never found the sparkle to the wario series.

Thank you for showing both sides of the story.

gnome said...

A brilliant write-up. Just brilliant. Oh dear, haven't laughed so much since ...uhm... well, yesterday, but it was a funny day.

Cheers! Oh, and yes, appreciate the objective tone...

Bwahahahahaha

Seamus the Leprechaun said...

no relation timerunner, orphan i was, i'll check out seanbaby, the number of leprechauns in the gaming business you could count on one hand..... i've never played a wario game , hopefully i'll be rectifying that soon..... (looks at wii brochure....)


Gnome thank you for the digg, embarassed i am with such exposure, thanks to you, I'll probably be needing an agent soon, and well to be honest the elderly isn't up to it.....

(passes Gnome an envelope....)

DEITRIX said...

I'm going to have to rent this one for sure... I bet my son will love it, but I'm afraid I might not...??

The Elderly said...

there promoting it over here as party game, you might have to join in.. how have ya been Deitrix?

fatherkrishna said...

Segasaturn Shiro! by Segata Sanshiro
The solitary man who devoted his soul to the way of games
Today, he comes again
He will punish those who do not play seriously
Their battered bodies will never forget!

[chorus] Segata Sanshiro, Segata Sanshiro! Sega Saturn... shiro!

They play tennis, sing karaoke, flirt around in clubs...
Are there not more serious tasks to be done?
Those who do not play maturely
He questions them deep inside their hearts

Segata Sanshiro, Segata Sanshiro! Sega Saturn... shiro!

(voice of Segata)
Youngsters... is there something in your life you are completely devoted to? Something you sink into so deep you put your life on the line? You must play Sega Saturn! Play... until your fingers break! Until your fingers break!

Even if they chase after sex, that petty pleasure
Their soul will remain hollow
Those who do not immerse themselves to the extreme in gaming
Will find their bodies beaten harshly!

Segata Sanshiro, Segata Sanshiro! Sega Saturn... shiro!

The white clouds floating on the great blue sky
And the boiling red bloodshed in fierce gaming
Those who give up halfway through
Their battered bodies will never forget!

Segata Sanshiro, Segata Sanshiro! Sega Saturn... shiro!
Segata Sanshiro, Segata Sanshiro! Sega Saturn... shiro!

gnome said...

(calms the holy Father by showing him ultra-fetsih Saturn / Dreamcast porn and a valium)

(thinks about kids being a blogging fad)

(opens envelope)

Deal!

Oh, and ..ahm... hi Elderly.. Didn't see you... What's up?

fatherkrishna said...

*Father Krishna snaps out of hynotic state due to over exposure to S***ta S******ro...*

Tera Patrick! Where? WHERE??????

seamus the leprechaun said...

(shows FC the tera patrick photo, cut from the post by the elderly gamer...)

no reason for it, just cut the bloody thing..... for why.... what did Tera Patrick ever do to him?

old people are very vexing some times....

(Smiles at Gnome) Deal it is.....

The Elderly said...

FC your talents are wasted, such an excellent rendition of the teachings of such a charismatic character....

We need to pay homage to such a figure.. but for the life of me I can't think of what could proclaim the brilliance of such an historical and motivational figure...

(thinks hard...)

Hello Gnome (waves from the other side of the room....) Seamus has me pretty tied up of late..... your beard has grown..... and is that a new hat?

gnome said...

Yes, yes, new hat, whatever...

Seamus, who's Terra?

seamus the leprechaun said...

(Hands gnome golden link)

http://clubtera.com/about.html

gnome said...

I see... Thanks!

:)

Seamus the Leprechaun said...

....no problem..... a pretty talented lady our Tera...

(holds playboy mag sideway....)

yep pretty talented....

gnome said...

And quite happy and open-hearted too... Well designed site, I'll add and then shut up...

Seamus the Leprechaun said...

...no needs to be shutting up mr.Gnome, here take a wee drop... grease those tonsils of yours..... i'll put on some Ceile music.....

gnome said...

Ceile? Uhm, no thanks... and what exactly would tonsils be?

Seamus the Leprechaun said...

...what ya have nay time for ceile music? why, well that's taken me aback... and ya don't know what tonsils are.....

here let me check your head for bumps , you must have fallen recently that would explain the lost memory and dislike of ceile music

(lifts Gnomes hat..... jumps back in fright...)

what de @##!! is that (pointing at the top of Gnomes head...)

gnome said...

What da @##!! is it? What? What? A tonsil?

Seamus the Leprechaun said...

eeek! (runs out of room......)

The Elderly said...

(elderly enters....) well Gnome how are ...holy feck what's that on your head?

gnome said...

thump

x}

The Elderly said...

wait i've got a fire axe......

(runs out of room briefly... enters carrying large fire axe....)

okay stand steady, will get rid of that before you can say lobotomy....