Saturday, January 20, 2007

God of War Threesome

Hello again, tis me Seamus, helping out on the gammy gamer. Well now a kind commenter be the name of Timerunner was just telling us about a possible threesome in that uber difficult and highly praised game God of War for the Ps2. Well it was news to me and a few other visitors, so armed with a very large magnifying glass (which makes things bigger) i decided to investigate this rumour. But as it's Saturday night and the pubs are set to close soon, i'll research the matter down my local, where no doubt after a few tankards people will be more inclined to reveal details on this gaming secret. See ya'll later

Seamus it might be a bad idea to post when your under the influence.......
Seamus! .....Seamus! ---elderly

(several hours later....)

hello this me again.... a ittle bit the worstest for wear.... Hic!

well a few people had heard about threesomes, but it appeared very few had a clue about the God of War threesome and to tell the truth I became too incoherent by the end of the evening to delve any further, I do remember getting my face slapped on a number of occassions, heres what i did discover:

Discovery 1: approaching a female and uttering the words "threesome" is not a very clever idea.

Discovery 2: At the begining of the second level, theres a sub game which is essentially an interactive threesome where you must follow a button matching game to help two naked women reach Clim. . . . (censored. . . elderly), thus giving you experience points that go toward ability upgrades.

Discovery 3: Closing time is a . . . .(Censored.... elderly)

Discovery 4: The game is definitely not for kids, the following list should make this transparent. . . speaking of transparent . . . . (Censored....elderly)

- Nudity
- Interactive sex
- A trip through Hades, with interactive torture
- Blood
- Dismemberment
- Violence against innocent bystanders

Discovery 5: Most of the women in the game are topless. Sirens. Medusa, the frozen-haired snake-lady. Topless or wearing see-through nighties and thongs. Athens, apparently, is like the opposite of a museum, only the female statues wear shirts.

Discovery 6: David Jaffe (games director) sited Heavy Metal Magazine as an inspiration "I love how they mix great fantasy epics with over-the-top sex and violence"

Discovery 7: A Chinese take away always tastes better when it's lukewarm

Discovery 9: On IGN boards
A poll to show opinions on whether there should there be nudity in God of War 2?

Total 79 votes.

20% (16 votes): Yeah there should be nudity again
31% (25 votes): Yes there should be even more!
2% (2 votes): No they should not put nudity in it again
45% (36 votes): I really dont care

......thanks to Xanthian for the correction

Discovery 10: An absolutely nothing to do with this subject link
Videogamebabes

posted by the leprechaun

Zzzzzz! Zzzzzzz!

Clickable inkies

35 comments:

fatherkrishna said...

Seamus, you seem like my kind of guy... I'm off to videogame babes...NOW! Catch you later....
*FK disappears rapidly to inspect...erm...levels of sexism in said...erm...site...for research purposes... Cough!*

gnome said...

Seamus, that was a hilarious, informative, brilliant and quite impressive post -considering your fantastic being- that also managed to shock me. And I quote:

"45% of gamers do not want nudity in GOW2" Sick bastards I say... Let them wallow in their horrid and well-deserved virginity for ever. Ancient Greeks were great, kinky, group lovers and their gods too. F*ck off puritan cretins!

Now, here's a link:

www.lovechess.nl/artoflove/

The Elderly said...

Please FC, your only encouraging him, though have viewed the site it does have some unique academic interest... purely for research purposes of course,

but Gnome while a most excellent link i despair having had to censor Seamus's last that we should not be encouraging his tendency to post porno material.... i know i may appear extremely prudish and indeed am was quite amazed to find that gamers didn't want nudity in GOW2, but if we let Seamus post what he likes then i fear the blog will be closed down...

your tolerance in this matter is gratefully appreciated.....

Seamus the Leprechaun said...

(tip toes into comments eating large pizza slice..... smiles... leaves silently.....)

fatherkrishna said...

I do agree with Mr. Gnome that NOT wanting nudity is somewhat wrong, but doesn't that mean that the MAJORITY want nudity... which has got to be a good thing...

The Elderly said...

indeed you are most correct oh reverend krishna father, but such a high number left me puzzled.

TheTimeRunner said...

Thus you see why I am not one for such gamings. And why I had to skip the wonderous game that is God of War. It's funny all of this came up the way that it did. And thanks to your friend for clearing things up. Give me blood and violence anyday. I can understand that, nudity I don't.

gnome said...

You're obviously kidding us right? Right?

(juggles knife & blackjack)

The Elderly said...

avoids the juggling Gnome for fear of laceration..... (readies first aid kit...)

indeed Timerunner, my erm... friend was quite delighted to have had the opportunity to research such a vile and hideous part of video gaming history.....

God made clothes for a reason...perhaps they will release a heavily censored version alongside GOW2

TheTimeRunner said...

I wouldn't be suprised given the nature of the entertainment industry. Espiecally with their love of releasing the unrated versions of DVD movies.

This might come as a shock to some but nudity just doesn't interest me, I'm more of a "scantily clad" fellow myself. The videogame media lines are getting more blurred by the minute with each passing game. More sex and violence than the norm, I had to balk when they were going to release a Sapranos game.

It's all the more taxing with the creation of the videogame championship series where you fight in virual death matches like the which of the Roman era.
And the "Second Life" MMORPG where you actually have virutal "callgirls" roaming the streets to turn tricks. (and actually make a virtural profit!)

I'm not liking this turn, what ever happened to putting a shotgun to the face of a nazi? Now these days the nazi either has to be a leather clad Vixen or be surrounded by them or the hero has to be more anti-heroish than just.

Like I said, give me big explosions and a high kill count anyday. I don't understand why sex has to be in the equation. Sometimes someone just needs a good killing.

gnome said...

Doesn't it sound slightly odd that you prefer murder to sex?

The Elderly said...

forgive me for being facile here, but as a kid I always hated the kissing part in the movies, and still to this day, bar the actress is of exceptional interest, i run to make a cup of tea.....

strangely such is not the case in playing games, the level of immersion i experience in games is much greater than that of films. Not that I can remember anything i've played with an overtly sexual overtone unfortunately.

I would welcome a move towards a larger library of adult themed games... But games like manhunter et al leave me cold, overt violence or sex are transparently flawed and a poor use of a developers talents, though I would defend there existence for a niche following.

The thought of virtual hookers, enthrall me, properly placed in a adult themed game, I can see no problem, maybe it's my age, but the blurring of lines I find fascinating..... for example i still haven't figured out why i like playing as a female character (like lara..) as opposed to a male....

If the game industry put more thought into proper regulation and promoted the dangers of videogame violence to parents (who ultimately have the say whether little johhny picks up Manhunter or not) then adults should have no fear.

The blurring i find reprehensible, is when i see parents buying GTA for their 12 year old, that is indefensible. They wouldn't bring their kid to a local dogging session then why provided with material to allow them whack the head of a virtual prostitue with a baseball bat.

Ultimately we as adults will pick what we want to play. The problem I see is at present is that as adults we have little choice.

Seamus the Leprechaun said...

...did someone say sex?

TheTimeRunner said...

Man I should learn to shut up shouldn't I guys. =P

Gnome, I know it sounds very odd that I would prefer murder over sex. It's only because of my personal stature. No way are my views like others in this gaming world. I just remember playing games as a youth where the sole objective in a game was to "defeat" enemies. From the old skool mario to zelda, even metroid and mega man; It just came naturally. So as games became more graphic and life-like it wasn't to hard to get into it.

I agree with you Elderly, that there should be a proper rating system in the industry AND for the dummy parents to do their part and do their parenting to ensure that such games do not get into their grubby hands.

AO games are not and "if" in coming but "when". And that should be expected given how the gaming generation is becoming *ahem* elderly =) Though I am part of this generation, I won't be following the norms of the core collective. (give or take a few select games that indeed have suggestive themes.) I never was one to go with what others were into.

I could go on with how big explosions and killing I could understand and sex I don't but I'd hate to be a bore.

and Seamus, let us all say sex together. On the count of 3
1..
2....

gnome said...

SEX!

Now, seriously, I'll begin by commenting on Mr. Elderly's wise cooment...

First of all, I don't really care much for underage gamers, even though I do believe a 16 year old, having already had sex would be quite ridiculously denied experiencing it on another medium...

As for the quality of games , well, this frankly doesn't have much to do with wether they are violent or sexy. Mullholand Drive was sexy and was a great film. Nabokov was erotic and was the best American novelist ever. Reservoir Dogs was violent and also refrshing. It's not what an artist uses, but how... I do believe though you'd agree.

As for censoring mechanism, provided they have to do with adults, I do believe they should be abolished. Anyone lawfuly considered an adult is 100% free to read, write, publicize anything ne fancies, regardless of the others (the majority's even) taste...

Timerunner, I do understand what you mean, but that's a purely personal/subjective point. In no way do you claim any objectivity, thus I simply cant disagree. Guess I can be shocked tthough....

Oh, and parents protecting their kids... I couldn't agree more...

TheTimeRunner said...

SEX!

I'm glad that the world doesn't mirror my mind view. That would be a scary world indeed. =)

gnome said...

Whereas a mind set on WAR and MURDER would surely be a happy one I'm sure... I'm pretty sure you'd rather enjoy watching a bombing than two people having sex... It's dirty, aint it? A sin, perhaps?

seamus the leprechaun said...

....typical no bloody sex.... thats the problem with this blog... all titillation and no hard porn...

The Elderly said...

so if im getting the gist of it timerunner... nudity in games is fine, but not for you, like i hate real time combat systems in my rpg's and prefer turn based.... can't for the life of me understand why someone would put themselves under such stress.

which is a fairly sensible consumer approach, i buy what i like and leave what i dont' like on the gaming shelf.

or am i missing something? though im not sure any of us, A gnome an old person and a time runner would be seen as anything close to a core element.......

Video games i think offer a new avenue of experiences, some im going to hate, but i'll try and others will engage emotions or set dilemas i'll probably never have to experience in my own life... that i beleive is why the medium is so powerful.

TheTimeRunner said...

Elderly, you hit the nail on the head for me. I'm not the type to join the mothers and moralists out there that cry out "Won't someone think of the children" when it comes to such games. I play what I like, if it's something I don't like I put it back on the shelf.

And yes Gnome, sadly I could easliy watch a bomb drop than see two people having sex. For in my life perspective, I can see myself having sex than actually dropping a bomb. And given how I was raised, that pretty much closes the deal for me.

I know...weird.

Sorry about no sex here Semaus, would it help if we yelled Lesbian?

gnome said...

Where?

seamus the leprechaun said...

Aye shout lesbian timerunner, it's like living in a bloody monastery here on the fetid gamer......


...in fact the word lesbian is the most excitement i've had all week.....

(mumbles under his breath....)

The Elderly said...

...lesbian? where?

gnome said...

Definitely not here Mr Elderly...

The Elderly said...

...just to say the elderly gamer is an equal opportunities blog, lesbians are just as welcome to sit around chin wag, drink tea... and

let myself and gnome watch.....

gnome said...

(lost in Elderly's usual place.. that uhm reverrie thingy)

Yes!

The Elderly said...

yes indeed.... well it's either reverie or xanadu....

gnome said...

Xanadu... does ring a bell...

The Elderly said...

... is he a hunchback?

gnome said...

Uhm... weren't you supposed to tell me?

The Elderly said...

oh yeah I forgot, Xanandu is a happy place, not a bell ringer, though the name would ring bells i suppose.

Xanandu is a far off isle, normally reached after a heavy session of alcohol..... normal departure point is the middle of the sitting room floor, preferrably face down.

gnome said...

Thank you! I'll buy you a beer now..

The Elderly said...

Kachinnnnnggggg!

(blogger dispensing lady, dispenses large ice cold beer, takes €3 from Gnome then leaves.....)

....haven't seen her before

Xanthian said...

Hi, I know this is a bit stale but I feel obliged to mention it. I think you might have misread the IGN chart.

Total 79 votes.

20% (16 votes): Yeah there should be nudity again
31% (25 votes): Yes there should be even more!
2% (2 votes): No they should not put nudity in it again
45% (36 votes): I really dont (sic) care

So umm, yeah. Not to put too fine a point on it but you read it wrong... 2% don't like it. 51% are all for it. And your 45% are actually the don't-cares.

For what it's worth :) I enjoyed your post regardless -- and yes, I was searching for "God of War 2 nudity" because I was interested to see whether they'd shied away from it in the sequel. I love to see people standing up to be counted for their art :)

The Elderly said...

Thank you Xanthian you are quite correct I totally misread the figures... i've amended the post to show the correct outcome in full... with acknowledgment to yourself, Thank you for pointing this out..

now im going find a nice whole in the ground and stick my head in it for a few days....