Tuesday, July 04, 2006

LOTR: The battle for middle earth II Review

Boasting a brand new "intuitive" contol system, which they promised would revolutionise hereditary console control issues with RTS games. Have EA lived up to the promise?

Yahoo games (suspiciously first up with a review) are reporting that the conversion, for the most part a straight port of the PC game and utilising every button on the 360 controller, hasn't achieved "perfection". However they do say and I quote:

"It's official: Real-time strategy games on consoles can work, which gives EA's beautiful hit PC game a second home on the Xbox 360."

Awarding the game 4 and a half stars (90%), it's apparent something tickled their fancy.

elderly tags

70 comments:

gnome said...

I guess consoles are now expensive enough to feature a mouse... Why bother with an rts if you can't plug a nice USB mouse to the -oh so sophisticated- Xbox360?

The Elderly said...

you have a point and it seems their best efforts didn't yield the necessary result, your right it is time to bring out a 360 mouse and stop all the pretence.

(elderly runs off to develop a laptop mouse mat)

gnome said...

And we'll sell millions of pieces and then get a really whizz-bang PC and then never again need an Xbox mouse again ever, which sort of defeats the whole point...

Whatever, we'll be rich!

The Elderly said...

(working fervently......) rich! high end pc.....yes....yes I can see it now......rich!...patent....straps...rich!

(hyperventilates)

gasp! phew nearly lost it there......

gnome said...

Relax, relax.... It's a full-proof plan and I also have a brand new keyboard! Everything goes as planned... remeder the Dreamcast keyboard...

gnome said...

not full-proof, but more of a fool-proof plan...

The Elderly said...

(takes deep breaths, opens a window) good fool proof plans suit my character.....

gnome said...

I knew it! Great! great!

Griiiit!

The Elderly said...

holds two thumbs up!

gnome said...

(adds two more and a toe)

The Elderly said...

i'll see your toe and i'll raise you a knowing wink........

gnome said...

Hmmm....

I'll call it.

The Elderly said...

........well then,

wheres the knowing wink....

gnome said...

here it is

;)

The Elderly said...

okay then!
(lays plans down on the table........

crayon stick figure man, sitting on a square in front of a rectangle. theres a small rectangle on his lap, and on the small rectangle on his lap is a stick figure mouse with a stick figure tail.

The stick figure mouse's tail is sticking into the small rectangle!!!

the stick figure man has a smile on his face)

well what do you think?

gnome said...

No... Sorry, butno. ther is no moose. How are we going to show the people what they want to see without using a magestic beast?

(ok, I'll go sleep now. I'll be back at my commenting in a few hours. Cheers)

The Elderly said...

that is a mouse, i know it looks like a moose, but i meant to draw a ..............ok i'll rub it out, but i've got to practice drawing stick figure mouses...meeses....


(puzzled as to how to erase crayon, but figures he'll have it done by the time gnome wakes up)

gnome said...

The mouse really isn't necessary. It has no horns, and no Python jokes...

The Elderly said...

(elderly looks a the most perfect stick figure mouse he has ever drawn in his entire life............)

i've got to rub the mouse out don't I?
who'd have ever thought that inventing was so difficult.......and painful

(kisses the stick figure mouse, before erasing it)

goodbye little fello

gnome said...

Poor little mousie... Perhaps we could change the plan (tm) to accomodate the little fellow...

Sad.

The Elderly said...

.......gulp!
he's gone now.......(looks at empty space on the rectangle resting on the stick figure mans lap)

(waves goodbye to the empty space)

sniff!

do you think we could have a little ceremony..you know...to commemorate his short existence on the planet.....

sniffle!

mouse control for xbox360 games dosen't seem so important now!

gnome said...

You're right. Seems so trivial now... So insignificant.

I'll get the candles you draw the seal and pentagram. let's resurrect it...

The Elderly said...

you really mean it? can we?

brilliant.......it won't be long now mousey

Your a real buddy Gnome.........

.....ahmm remind me what a pentagram looks like again?

gnome said...

Can't describe it ... Guess I'll sketch it, but it'll just end like the mouse thing...

The Elderly said...

no theres a better chance you'll get it right......i'll get the candles....won't be long now mousey(elderly stops in his tracks)

Gnome, you don't think he'll come back...you know having been "erased" so long....kinda strange.....you know having seen the darkside and all that..

gnome said...

No,no, I'm sure he'll be his ordinary jolly little rodent self. If need arises though...Ganinja.

The Elderly said...

Phew! thanks Gnome, I worry too much
(elderly hurries back with birthday candles, gnome raises his eyes to heaven)
what these won't do?

gnome said...

Not very black, are they? And what's the little hat for?

The Elderly said...

we could paint them? (elderly looks despondent, stares at the little shiney hat)

the little hats for mousey, a sort of welcome back pressi, you know kinda like i'm sorry i wiped you out pressie.......

it's even got a tiny elastic, so it wont fall of........

(elderly looks at Gnome........)

i shoulda brought cheese shouldn't i?

gnome said...

Nope. I got it right here... And the hat's a brilliant little touch Mr. Elderly.

Now, put on the robe if you please.

Not this one. The black one.

Good.

The Elderly said...

jee gnome your a wonder, how well you remembered the cheese.....

(elderly looks at black robe and the red one gnomes holding)
why do i have to wear the black one?

gnome said...

I remembered...

Don't worry. Just stay in the seal's space and you'll be just fine. Besides black looks great on you..

(Gnome scratches under his purple/green hoodless robe)

The Elderly said...

(trusts gnome implicitly, but still elderly is still a little apprehensive)

okay gnome (dons black robe and steps into space)....

i know your a marine biologist but is the seal really necessary?

(the seal looks up at Gnome)

gnome said...

Not that kind of seal :)
Anyway...
(pets non-existent seal)

I am a marine biologist? Am I?

(Didn't really mean it when I said it you know...)

The Elderly said...

(elderly stands in circle of birthday candles, wearing a badly fitted black robe) So let me see if I've got this straight,
thats not a seal your petting,
your not a marine biologist
and you know how to bring stick figure mice back from the dead.....

Okay then ready when you are......

(elderly braces himself)

gnome said...

SEAL: tight or perfect closure: a closure that prevents the entrance or escape of something such as air or water, or a substance or device that forms such a closure .... That's what I'm peting....

In a biologist's way...

Anyway. Let the ceremonie begin!

Where are te cokies?

The Elderly said...

cookies?

what do you need cookies for?

whats cookies got to do with all this?

Cookies!

gnome said...

Well, they are not cookies. More cokies, I'd say.

And they are quite vital!

The Elderly said...

oh cokies.......i didn't know

(steps back into the circle avoiding the seal)

right gnome ready when you are, won't be long now mousey.....soon you'll be back

gnome said...

TADAH!!!

Behold Mousey v.2...

The Elderly said...

elderly stares in amazement at mousey v.2 , Gnome you did it! you actually brought mousey back..........

how do we get him down of the ceiling though...?

gnome said...

We could use a shuriken you know...

The Elderly said...

(rushes to gnomes side.......)

no gnome a shuriken..... certainly not.... no there must be another way to get him down......

(picks up the birthday hat) here mousey.......

gnome said...

Perhaps a shuriken *just* to frighten/encourage mousey...

Don't worry. I never miss. Besides we can always bring him back...

The Elderly said...

(looks at the rash developin on his arms from wearing the black robe..)

dunno we might not have a second chance

(itches rash)

(holds birthday hat under mousey)

Jump mousey, daddy will catch you

gnome said...

swoosh....

There, he jumped... And his fine.

Oops..minus a tail..

The Elderly said...

(elderly runs to catch mousey.......
misses by a whisker.......SPLAT!)

oh my sweet divine ...........

(runs to give mousey mouth to mouth, stops........looks at gnome)

just a recap, i drew a stick figure mouse for a lap top mouse pad, i killed it, you brought it back by witchcraft, it appeared running around on the ceiling, jumped and is now in a big ink blot on the floor, while his tail is hanging from the ceiling?

gnome said...

Yes....that about sums it...

Poor mousey... quite a day he had...

(we could ublish the story and get rich. I keep repeating myself, though)

The Elderly said...

we could publish..... at the moment i'm negotiating a deal with 2d mouse traps Inc., if that works out we could franchise the whole sad episode.

(pulls mouseys tail away from the ceiling)

slourpippp!

gnome said...

Iiikkk

You didn't have to do that...

Anyway... we should get some lawyers in there...

The Elderly said...

lawyers? no no we have to trust people, I can't imagine anyone trying to rip us off, especially with your powers.

Interestingly i discovered the other day that google search uses the comments section as well as the main post. Which means our 2d mouse story has already been broadcast.

(puts tail in pedal bin), now how the hell am i going to clean that? (pointing to the mouse blob on the floor)

gnome said...

Weeeee!!

we're so f*cking famous. Groopie time!

Oh and don't clean it... We'll turn it to a shrine/tourist trap!

The Elderly said...

jeez your right (heads back to pedal bin).... do you really think we could attract groupies?

gnome said...

Of course... Lots of them.. Just not the best-looking ones, but I always valued quantity over quality... Statisticaly we should get decent per month.

The Elderly said...

so if i play really really hard to get and all aloof I could eventually hit on a short sighted average looking groupie.......... thems great odds....

(retrieves mouse tail....)

gnome said...

2 actually... one of tem will be above average...

Stop fiddling with the tail.. Groopies hate 'em!

The Elderly said...

throws the mouse tail away.......

should we flip a coin to see who gets the above average one?

gnome said...

sure.... I'll have tails...

The Elderly said...

lol

flips coin into the air and it lands on...... the elderlies head causing massive external bleeding.......

gnome said...

Oh my! Nurse! Nuuuurse!!!

fuck... she's all burried... hang on a momemnt I'll resurect the old murderous hag...

The Elderly said...

no no i'll be fine leave her rest.... (gets dizzy......) I couldn't handle another resurrection..... (elderly tries ot open one eye, but the room keeps spinning) call one of the waitresses.....from the other ......

(elderly collapses..........)

gnome said...

right... stay there, ok? ... (no answer?)

ok.. guess you wil then.

BRB

(57 minutes later)

Here they are:

1 witch doctor, 4 half naked waitresses, 1 naked, 1 witch, 1 x-ray specialist, 1 Robin Williams and 1 dentist...

The Elderly said...

lol...... (elderly opens one eye...) Party!... damn Gnome you know how to organise a rescue squad.....

gnome said...

A gome has to know thing you know...

:)

gnome said...

a gnome also

The Elderly said...

indeed i've said it many time gomes goems and gnomes just know stuff.......

psst whats the blond waitresses name?

gnome said...

Bertha I think... Quite appropriate, me thinks...

The Elderly said...

you can say that again, im having problems focussing....... now how did that go again....

(pulls bertha's ear, tips her 50 euro......)

Smack!

:0!

gnome said...

Almost got it!

Bravo Mr. elderly! Most impressive!

The Elderly said...

:)