Trine 2 Review Summary and Game Trailer

Online and local co-op for up to three players. A side-scrolling action platform and puzzle video game developed by Frozenbyte. The adventure begins when the three heroes, the thief, the knight and the wizard, rediscover the Trine which brings them back together. They then decide to travel on a journey to save the kingdom from evil goblins and other fiends.

Alf the Helper: fiends!...like Gnomes!
Elderly: No Alf, Gnomes aren't fiends
Alf the Helper: What are Gnomes then?
Edlerly: Alf... shut up!
Alf the Helper: :(

Available for
•PC & Mac (released on 7 December 2011)
•(Xbox 360) XBLA worldwide (to be released on 21 December 2011)
•(Ps3) PSN NA (to be released on 20 December 2011)
•(Ps3) PSN EU (TBD 2011)
•Linux (2012)

So is it any good then?  well here's What it says on the tin:

•Physics-based puzzles with fire, water, gravity and magic
•Online and local co-op for up to three players
•Save anywhere to play as long or short sessions as you like
•Unlimited Character and Game+ modes add to additional replay value
•Accessible for both casual and hardcore gamers
•Hidden collectibles extend the length of your adventure
•Fun and challenging Achievements to unlock
•Soundtrack composed by the acclaimed Ari Pulkkinen

Official Website

And with no Xbox 360 or Ps3 review available at the time of posting here's what the critics had to say about the PC version.
Scoring 86% on Metacritic

Executive Summary: short but sweet

Reviews Summary
A lesson of how a great game should be.
No matter who you are, you can't help but love Trine 2
One of the most beautiful games this year
Some of the most amazing 2D graphics ever seen
A charming fantasy platformer with dazzling good looks and fun physics puzzles.
Better, bigger and funnier.
It's short, but the design and the animations are extraordinary

Just Lyrics: Bruce Springsteen Devils and Dust

Right click, open link in new window/tab for wallpaper size 1024x768
   

"We're just trying to survive

what if what you do to survive

kills the things you love"

See all "Just Lyrics" posts

Blood Elf Cosplay Lena Lara

Character: Blood Elf from World of Warcraft
Cosplayer: Lena-Lara
Photographer: Christoph Gerlach

Full size images and more from their respective websites.

Is it any wonder it takes me ages to get round to a proper game post.  But at least it's game related!

See all "Cosplay" posts

Elderly: Psttt! Alf!  do you think I got away with the excuse?
Alf The Helper: Ahhh, just checking, but if I get this question wrong, it's food rations again?
Elderly: Yes!
Alf The Helper: In that case, well yes, I think you got away with it!
Elderly: Good....thought so!
Alf The Helper: ....sigh!!

Demi Lovato Skyscraper

A career defining song from Demi Lovato, American singer, songwriter, musician, and actress, pushing her voice to the point of breaking.  No pyrotechnics here, none needed, as the song builds to a spine tingling final chorus.

Official Website

See all "Music Video" posts

Batman Noel Lee Bermejo

Batman Noel is an 112 page hardcover graphic novel written and illustrated by
Lee Bermejo and published by DC Comics on November 8, 2011.

Inspired by Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol, the Dark Knight must come to terms with his rogue's gallery of the past, present, and future, while exploring what it means to a hero.

While most assuredly a stretch for both Dickens and Batman fans, with a review score of 8.5 on IGN review, and described as "an instant classic," on Ain't it Cool.com, by all accounts the premise works.

Lee Bermejo Blog

See all "Manga Comic" posts

Screenshots, Xiba, Kung Fu High Impact, Sherlock

Soul Calibur VXbox 360 and Ps3
Due US January 31, 2012, EU February 3, 2012
New Character "Xiba" from Soul Calibur V and news Ezio (Assassin's Creed) will be a guest character.

Kung Fu High Impact
Xbox 360 Kinnect Exclusive
Due November 2011 ??
A side-scrolling brawler, in which your likeness is scanned in by the Kinect camera to act as the hero.
More screens on eurogamer

The Testament of Sherlock Holmes
Xbox 360, Ps3 and PC
Due? game site says "Late" 2011
Adventure game in the "Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes" series developed by Frogwares
More images from Official Website

Skyrim Vampire Cure

Disease to some, to others a way of life, in the never ending story that is Skyrim.

People keep saying I look sick!
Thankfully Bethesda inform you when you've contracted Sanguinare Vampiris, however if you've missed it then off to the "Magic" menu with you (press b, then left on your controller), once there select the last option "Active Effects" and see what ails you. You may not have contracted vampirism just yet.

Oh no!! I'm a vampire!!!
Don't panic, you've got 72 hours (game time) to find a cure before you reach Stage 1

Stage!! whadda mean stage?
There are four stage of vampirism, each bringing with it a gradual change in your demeanour. 
Gradual aversion to sunlight, health, magicka and stamina are reduced and do not recover,
A gradual weakness to fire,
A increasing benefit from "feeding" on npcs
Increased ability to reanimate dead bodies to fight for you.

But I digress, full details on the stages and the benefits of being a vampire from the definitive Skyrim Wiki. 

So a cure already!!
Within the first 72 hours, you can get rid of the disease with any common disease-curing potion, or by visiting an altar in a  church or altar in front of a Statue of the Eight (ie. Talos in Whiterun).

Once you’re a Stage 1 vampire, normal disease cures won't work

Stage 1, Too late!, my mother's going to kill me!
Speak with any Inn Keeper or Bartender about rumors. You'll discover that a man called Falion in Morthal (east of Fort Snowhawk) is studying vampires!!

If you haven't got one, Falion will sell you a Black Soul gem, and a soul trap book (read to activate).

Before being cured, you’ll need to fill the Black Soul Gem

Fill a Black Soul Gem!? how the ...?
Cast a Soul Trap spell on a bandit, or npc, then ..erm...kill them!!

A soultrap Spell?..... don't got one!
How to use and where to get a Soul trap spell from the aforementioned wiki

I got it!!! :) back to Falion?
Yup, speak to Falion to complete the ritual and voila, cured!!!.

Talk to Falion? When he's attacking me?
If your at stage 3 or stage 4 there's a good chance Falion will attack you!! bug fix on the way I hope.  One work around from the forums is to feed on someone before you go.. if you feed, you'll drop back to Stage 1

To hell with this nothing works!
...and for some of you this is unfortunately true, there is an instant cure but that means turning into a werewolf...and that's a whole other story.

Saints Row The Third Review Summary

On release with an 18 certificate, in US and Australia, set for Eu release on 18th November 2011, for xbox 360, Ps3, and Windows.

You control the leader of the Third Street Saints in the city of Steelport, with the story focusing on the gang war with The Syndicate, a rival criminal group.  The game blends third-person action and driving sequences through an open-ended storyline, with freedom to complete missions as you see fit. However your decisions will ultimately affect the game's ending.

Overview:
The games open world action, drew praise from critics, however many felt the story missions themselves do not allow for much creativity.  The games self aware humour however had the critics divided, some describing it as borderline offensive, others praising it's creativity. 

One odd and I hope, tongue in cheek, theme running throughout the reviews, embraces the notion that onscreen mindless violence is what video games are for. 

Score:
This hasn't detracted from a rather extraordinary current score of 87% xbox 360 and 81% Ps3 on Metacritic.com

Quote of the bunch:
"When you just want to indulge in some mindless violence and sexual depravity, this will more than suffice"
IGN

Reviews Summary
Ludicrous and lewd, but it's also a joy to play
Some amazing moments... and some truly abysmal ones
A lack of technical polish and weak combat overshadow its achievements
The ultimate sandbox, fans of the series will have a blast
A fun romp that doesn't take itself too seriously, defines what it means to have fun playing games
Shining novelties fueled by base guffaws quickly devolve into gimmicks
It's juvenile, occasionally objectionable
More intense, more chaotic, more bizarre
Missions vary wildly, and they're almost all bombastic, popcorn-movie affairs

Official Website

Assasin's Creed Revelations Which Edition?

Release for Xbox 360, Ps3 on November 15th 2011
To ensure you walk out of the store with exactly wanted, I hope the following is of some use. Verifed at the time of posting, things change, so be sure to check content before you purchase.

As your aware there are several different limited editions of Assassin's Creed Revelations. The Animus, Collector's and Special editions are available on all platforms but only available in Europe, Australia and New Zealand, while the Signature Edition is only available in North America through GameStop for all platforms.

Retail:
Standard edition (game and soundtrack only),

The Collector's Edition features Special Collector’s Edition packaging, a 50-page art book, an animated short film and the original game's soundtrack. In-game content included is an exclusive mission and two additional multiplayer characters (both in-game content are the same as featured in the Animus Edition).

The Special Edition consists of a standard box with exclusive artwork and the original game's soundtrack. In-game content included is a Turkish Assassin Armor in single-player and two additional multiplayer characters (The Crusader and Ottoman Doctor).

Pre order only:
Signature Edition: Pre-orders with GameStop will automatically upgrade to the Signature Edition of the game at no extra cost. The Signature Edition features exclusive packaging, a bonus single-player mission (Vlad the Impaler Prison), an exclusive multiplayer character (Ottoman Jester), weapons capacity upgrades, an animated short film (Assassin's Creed Embers Movie) and the original game's soundtrack.

Ultimate Bundle: US only, the Ultimate Bundle features all content from the Signature Edition, but the Ultimate Bundle also comes with Leonardo da Vinci’s flying machine replica and an Ezio 7-inch action figure.

Update! latest review from Eurogamer

Post your Skyrim Character Photo

It's the middle of Winter, but she insists she isn't cold, and with her current tally of slain bandits and Draugr I'm not going to argue. 

To post your own photo, simply Click Here! (opens a new tab) and leave a link in the comment box. 

I'll add them right here. Thanks in advance :)

A WTF Gaming Moment, Dark Souls

Big Bird!!! a WTF moment from Dark Souls on xbox 360, luckily I had no bird seed on me. 

If you got your own WTF gaming photo and would like to share..
 just click HERE (opens a new tab) and I'll post a handful of them together.

Online Game Magazines November 2011

Okay I admit it, I'm a late comer to the world of online gaming magazines, ebooks, and pdfs, until now, I always felt more secure with the feel of paper on flesh than mouse pointer on screen. 

But I've been won over!!

First change of heart came from an essential free pdf and ebook listing on Gnomeslair, maintained by an quite industrious and often kindly Gnome. And more recently by the equally industrious and knowledgeable "Nreive" Editor and Designer and his much praised and most impressive "Retroaction"

Retroaction: is a quarterly interactive PDF magazine featuring old and new games on retro platforms such as the Amstrad, Sinclair, Commodore, DOS, Arcade, Atari, Sega, Nintendo, NEC, MSX, Acorn, Apple, and more.

Featuring reviews and previews of new games on retro platforms, articles on classic retro games, interviews and articles with people in the retrogaming scene.

The magazine is fully interactive with website and email links and takes advantage of PDF functions such as bookmarks, anchors and indexing, all at the click of a mouse button.

So to recap:
Retroaction Games Magazine
Nrieve's  Retrogaming Zines list
Gnome's essential Free pdf and ebook listing

Happy reading :)

Arkham City Forum Avatars

right click, view image, for 400x72, click image for 550x100

Fresh from the vaults of the elderly gamer, take it away there Alf!!

See all "Avatar" posts

Space Battleship Yamato Movie DVD

A film adaptation of the 1974 anime TV series Space Battleship Yamato. The year is 2199 and after five years of attack by an alien race known as Gamilas, Earth lies ravaged by radiation bombs. The remnants of humanity have fled underground with only 73 days until the radiation will drive humanity to extinction.

But the Earth Defense Force plan a counter-offensive and the crew of the space battleship Yamato are sent out on a journey to the planet Iscandar to acquire a device that can heal their ravaged planet.

Directed by Takashi Yamazaki, the film release of Space Battleship Yamato debuted at number 1 on the Japanese box-office, knocking a certain Harry Potter off his throne.  Reviews have been mixed, the Hollywood Reporter stated that the movie had a "sleek futurist look without losing sight of the ‘70s illustration style" of the original anime series.  Christoph Mark of The Daily Yomiuri said the film "lacked gravity" and criticized the production design as too reminiscent of the Battlestar Galactica remake.  There's always one!

Alf the Helper: Well actually mr.elderly there is more than one! 1,744 users on imdb.com gave the film a score of  61%
Elderly: Alf we are going to have to change your name
Alf the Helper: But I quite like the name Alf :(
Elderly: I wasn't thinking of changing that bit

Imdb critic reviews database
See all "Movie" posts

Uncharted 3 Drake's Deception Wallpaper

Right click, open link in new window/tab for size 1024x768

Apparently Game studios don't do wallpaper much anymore.  Accepted it isn't the greatest promotional method, but as a thank you to gamers it does have merits.  In the absence of any wallpaper for Naughty Dog's most excellent adventure, it falls to half blind photofiltre owners like myself and my team to fill the void.  So until software studios lean on their art team for twitter backgrounds, forum avatars, icons and wallpaper, take it away there Alf......

see all "game wallpaper" posts

Elderly at the Movies SSS Archive

Hi! Alf here! mr.elderly was too embarassed to do this himself, on account of him not been able to code html and stuff, so he threate... he asked me if I'd do the honors and apologise to you for this interuption in normal posting.  Thank you for your attention :)
Serenity the Movie, the Website the Walpaper
Silent Hill the Movie
Spiderman 3 Official Movie Website
Spiderman 3 Posters
Superman Returns the Movie

Ps3 Slim Vinyl Dragon Skins

Ps3 slim vinyl decal from Bundle Monster, includes 2 controller skins.

Alf the Helper: am is that it? aren't you going to review it?
Elderly: It's a piece of sticky plastic, what can you say about it?
Alf the Helper: Well you could talk about how it dosen't block any holes, how it's got a superior "leather" finish, that it dosen't void any warranty, and leaves no sticky residue when you want to peel it off!
Elderly:Why would you peel it off after buying it?
Alf the Helper: am... okay well if you were to...
Elderly: Right you've got the job of reviewing console skins
Alf the Helper: I do? :) thank you mr.Elderly I won't let you down!! oh look mr.elderly that Amazon guy is back... mr. elderly? hello?

See all "Skin" posts

The KORE Gang (Wii) - Official Trailer

Due for dropping US November 8th for Wii.
UK TBA

An alien invasion threatens Earth and the team looking to stop it is the Kore Gang.

Explore a vast game universe packed with action, puzzles and countless surprises. Meet strange characters and even stranger creatures as you unravel the game's off-the-wall storyline. Become the leader of a wacked-out team three times more demented, three times weirder, and three times stronger than one hero alone!
Esrb advisory: Cartoon Violence, Comic Mischief, Mild Language, and wait for it...."Tobacco Reference"

Goldeneye 007 Reloaded Game Review Summary

A remastering of the 2010 Wii game, for the Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3.

Developed from scratch, featuring high-definition graphics, an achievement system, new "Mi6 Ops Missions", PlayStation Move compatibility, online play for up to 16 players (limited to one player per console), 14 multiplayer maps with nine different game modes for online multiplayer.

(deep breath)

"GoldenEye 007: Reloaded - Double 'O' Edition." is an exclusive PlayStation 3 bundle including the game on Blu-Ray Disc, the PlayStation Move motion and navigation controllers, PlayStation Eye Camera, the Sharp Shooter peripheral, and access to the downloadable character Hugo Drax.

Currently scoring 79% xbox 360 and 76% on Metacritic

Pick of the bunch
"Still Not The GoldenEye remake fans were hoping for, I would've been happier playing a $10 downloadable HD remake of the original game"
Game Informer

Reviews Summary
I suspect this will be one of the first titles to take a price drop
Clever additions and some much-needed refinements let's it stands with the big boys
A worthy successor,  gameplay delivers, both in single and multiplayer
Activision has made some incredibly intelligent decisions in their revision strategy
In the end, nostalgia just isn't a strong enough foundation to build a truly great game on.
Solo, you will be hard-pressed to get your money's worth out of the campaign and MI6 alone
Addictive multiplayer will keep you coming back for more
Invisible walls and less-than-stellar AI make the whole package suffer
Pleasantly surprised by GoldenEye: Reloaded,  it still has its English charms

 Official Website

Alf the Helper: You never mentioned Daniel Craig mr. elderly
Elderly: Nope your right, I didn't
Alf the Helper: :( Back to the Cellar?
Elderly: Yup

Skyrim Video Concept art to Gameworld

While Oblvion mods continue to awe, a short spellbinding vid from Bethesda

Alf the Helper: Scrolls!!!!
Elderly: Alf!!! Cellar now!
Alf the Helper: :(

Images: Goldeneye reloaded, Lotr War in the North, Sonic Generations

GoldenEye 007:Reloaded Official Website
For Xbox 360 and Ps3 Due November 1st 2011 US, TBA rest of the World
 
Screenshots On IGN

Lord of the Ring: War in the North Official Website
Xbox 360, Ps3 and PC Due November 1st US, TBA Eu

Screenshots On IGN

Sonic Generations Official Website

Xbox 360, Ps3, PC, Nintendo 3DS Due November 1st 2011 US, Q4? Eu

Screenshots on IGN

Batman Arkham City Review Summary xbox 360 Ps3

  Right click, open link in new window/tab for widescreen 1366x768

Sequel to the 2009 video game Batman: Arkham Asylum, incorporating elements of stealth and predator tactics.  Five-time Emmy-Award-winner Paul Dini returns to pen a brand-new story for Batman: Arkham City, taking gamers deep inside the diseased heart of Gotham.  Mark Hamill and Kevin Conroy reprise their voice acting roles as The Joker and Batman respectively.

The game has received universal acclaim from critics.
Scoring 95% xbox 360 and 96% Ps3 on Metacritic

 Quote of the bunch:
"quite possibly the best superhero game ever made" ZTDG

Reviews Summary
An immaculate mix of great side missions, tons of content and a fantastic atmosphere
It's easily one of the best titles I've played all year
Rich and surprising in many ways. A feat which makes it a must-see title of 2011
One of the best open worlds in any game and an immaculate mix of great side missions
In Arkham City, you become Batman. Most certainly the definitive Batman game
Breathing life into a staggeringly beautiful world
An unforgettable adventure that will keep you coming back long after you've seen the credits roll
An in-depth look on the character that even Nolan's movies cannot offer

Achievement list
Official Website
Arkham City Interactive screenshots
Arkham City Wallpaper
Arkham City Fan Music Video

Alf the helper: (staring at the bottom of the post) yep we chased off that Amazon link poster
Elderly: What? :(  let me look.....wher'd the advetisements go?
Alf the helper: Well don't look at me
Elderly: No worries Alf, this theft required a larger IQ than 2, something a certain leprechaun could manage though, Alf get the shoulder mounted RPG!!

Red Ball Online Flash Game

There are evenings  when the repetitive bludgeoning of zombies, the frustration of the narrow Monaco circuit, the visual onslaught of a post apocalyptic sandbox are enough to make you bypass your console and take some time to listen to your mp3 collection and fiddle with the A,D and W keys on your pc keyboard.

If this is you then. "Red Ball" from Russian flash developer Evgeniy Fedoseev., is a fine example of an online flash game and palative care for console overload. 

Help the lovable little red ball navigate his/her way through an obstacle course spread over 17 levels.  Not your stroll in the park however, but 17 levels incorporating steep slopes, lifts,  thorns, axes, a Ninja on a bridge, catapults and a meeting with Pacman. Also available for your iphone, see link on site.
Some without further ado.......

Red Ball the Game 

Emobile e5 30 day Top up Problems

Hi Alf the helper here, standing in for mr.elderly.  No doubt you wouldn't be here unless you've already gone through the emobile forums, pdf's, haven't found an answer and are topping up too late in the evening to ring the emobile support line on 1890 690 000

By far the most common problem faced by the new mobile broadband user is just how in hell do you top up or why after topping up, you can't use the 30 day top up offer, most likely resulting in the following text message

Sorry you cannot sign up to the offer as you do not have enough credit on your account. To top up call 1743 with your credit or laser card details.

Now like me you've noticed the e5 dosen't have a keypad to call 1743, so whadda you do?

The secret like most secrets is simple.

Top up and apply for the 30 day pass 
BEFORE you "Connect" to the internet

I'll explain, imagine the e5 is your mobile phone, and like a mobile phone once switched on and getting a signal can send and receive service messages and requests.  Send you say! yes I do and yes you guessed it, send by using  the e5 mobile hub "homepage" on your computer.


So let's start, ensure your e5 is switched on and "NOT CONNECTED" to the Net, evidenced by the missing icon on the e5 window

Next open the e5 "homepage" in your browser by clicking your desktop icon, ensure the "Connection" tab confirms you are "disconnected" if not click the "Disconnect" button.

 Good! the rest should be plain sailing, assuming you've got a mobile signal (the icon in the very left of the e5 window) Click on the "Top up" tab and enter your prepay 12 digit code

Once you've "Topped Up" head to the "Text" tab and await confirmation of you new balance.  No point in doing anything until you get that confirmation.  On rare occassions, checking your balance under the "balance" tab can help, though not always.  You'll know you've successfully topped up when you see the following

  But we're not done!!! head to the "Offers" tab and type in 30 day to opt for the current prepay offer.  Click OK........

Back to the "Text" tab and await a text confirmation similar to the following.....

30 day pass confirmed, please disconnect and reconnect your session to access eMobile Broadband until 11-11-11.

Then simply "log out" of the "Homepage",  log back on and under the connection tab click "Connect" if your ready to surf the web and we're good to go.  Shimple :)

The down side:
If you've entered the prepay code, whilst "connected" to the Net, emobile will automatically deduct a one day pass, thereby cancelling any chance you had of using the 30 day offer.  Solution? ring emobile support (1890 690 000) the next morning, explain what happened and if this is your first time, with a bit of luck, they may activate your 30 day pass, though legally they don't have to.

If you have any questions, leave a comment at the bottom of this extraordinarily long post and I'll do my best to help if I can

Posted by "Alf the helper"

Horror update and the lost leprechaun

Well we've lost the leprechaun!!

And despite my efforts to turn this blog into a game site, the jolly dead midget has bested me at every turn.

Noticing that the most visited page on this excuse for a site is the "Horror Wallpaper" post conceived by and published against my wishes by the little snot...

Well I thought.. I thought it fitting to commemorate his final departure, and as a nod to the approaching halloween festivities, I've ....well I've updated the post with the wallpaper above.

The true horror of the departed genius can be found on the following link

Horror Wallpaper by the Leprechaun

Alf the helper: that was very touching mr.elderly....sniff!
Elderly: Yes, .... right!!! start dumping his belongings, sooner we can get this place back in order the better.
Alf the helper: (looks below post..) hey! that Amazon ad dumper is gone, am mr.elderly now that the leprechaun is gone, could I ..well would it be okay if.. well you know could do a post now and again?
Elderly: What? you? yes the next time you see a giraffe fly past the window, how's that!
Alf the helper: Why thank you mr.elderly this means so much to me, I won't let you down :)
(Alf sits by the window.....waiting)

Deus Ex Human Revolution Walkthrough links

The prequel to one of the greatest games ever...wait let me think about that.  Anyway if your here you already know much of what there is to know about this critically acclaimed release.  But like myself, stealth and guile and ern ...honed gun skills are sometimes not enough.  So I've done the trawling for you and below me, are the bestest links to the ultimate guides...no sorry they are in fact ordinary links, but they are pointing at to THE ultimate guides, walkthroughs, cheats and faqs for this masterpiece. Now if you'll excuse me I have a google+ assault course to attend. Thank you!

Deus Ex walkthrough from Absolute Steve
Deus Ex Guide from  Gamespot
The Deus Ex HR Wiki
Deus Ex Human Revolution Wiki form IGN
Video walkthrough from Video Game Blogger
Deus Ex strategy guide from 1up
Boss video guide on g4tv
Location of Praxis Kits from g4tv
Deus Ex Achievements list from gamrreview
Adam Jensen Wallpaper from Justwalls
Adam Jensen Forum Avatars from yours truly

Alf the helper: Bye mr.elderly (whispers..) the leprechauns gone missing :(

Sucker Punch

Warren Louw fanart see post

Right click, open link in new window/tab for wallpaper 1024x768

Receiving a significantly negative reception from critics, Sucker Punch is a 2011 action-fantasy thriller starring Emily Browning and directed by Zack Snyder (Watchmen, 300). The plot centers around the fantasies of a young woman who is committed to a mental institution and her search for five items that will set her free .

Whilst the title is never explained in the film, Mr. Snyder has stated one interpretation of the film is that it is a critique on geek culture's sexism and objectification of women.  So we'll just ignore character names, babydoll, Sweet Pea, the tiny little skirts and the gratuitous fight scenes.  Gottit.


Top image: artist Warren Louw, more on Rendered Beauty


Alf the helper: But why did you post it then?
Elderly: for exactly the reasons I've just described
Alf the helper: As a protest on geek culture's protrayal of women?
Elderly: Alf we need to talk....
Alf the helper: Oh look mr.elderly someone has gone and dumped those Amazon links at the end of your post again, what is the world coming to, such blatant advertising everywhere you turn.. tut tut!
Elderly: ALFFFFF! get in here now!!!!
(Alf slow to learn the ways of the World, toddles off for a "chat" with the elderly)